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| I made it 1000 days on this thing... although I missed the first nine days of realizing that fact. I guess now I don't feel bad about my growing disinterest. I turned this into a more day by day mundane journal because I tend to have quite a few rambling, potentially embarrassing thoughts (I should become less self conscious...) that I don't like sharing. Okay, turning it over to the mundane took a while- and maybe it never actually made it to that. (I can recall quite a few emotionally bare and stupid messes- at least, at one point the were.)
Anyway. To quote Jubal Early, "Well, here I am." And I've been here, and there, and on LJ documenting, babbling, whatever-ing. (Gerunding.) I'm back to rambling and throwing out weird varous and sundry ideas and items from my mind- but not here. And that's how I live my internet life- slightly out loud, possibly how I shouldn't. (We are not looking squeaky clean- but who wants that?) The internet is one big record of footprints- the good ones and the ones you wish the surf would wash away. But I shouldn't worry about that- I don't think. Just own it. Own this glorious mess.
Owning it. Feels fairly comfortable. Every single word is a stitch, is a yard of fabric, is me. Sometimes true, sometimes false, quite often confused, wandering, simply experiencing.
I don't know what I'm going to do around here yet. I will write more, but not as much. (Not bad for an internet handle that came about because of a whim and a character I've half forgotten.) Owing it. Mine. Me. The good, bad, the horrendously misspelled, all the awkward messiness, and everything. | | |
| Feeling like a broken record, but the same feelings and sentiments keep playing, so I keep saying... okay, I admit to not wanting to ruin the rhyming going on.
Back on my feet. Wish I was further along in my reading, wish I was asleep right now. Wish wish wish- but if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak. (Thanks Jayne.)
So instead, here's a one am ramble and then silence. It's weird, even if I'm putting off work to write, I always feel more together and stable after I've gotten further along in my story. Maybe I should just focus on that... except I can't. There's other parts of life to be lived. And majors to complete. | | |
| For some reason I'm becoming more attatched to LJ... but still writing here anyway.
Sat some distance apart from a woman in the library who looked like she could have been related to me. I wanted to study her features more closely, but that would have been creepy and weird- so maybe the similarity was just in the distance. It was still a curious feeling, though. 'This person looks a lot like me.' In an almost twin sister kind of fashion.
Anyway. Found the another to join the ranks of Le Individual and Obviously Intelligent. Disrespectful Domineering Fronting Male. Oh the joys of undergraduate academia.
Tired. Bye. | | |
| Feeling a little out of it because I stayed up so late, didn't nap today, and there will be little opportunity to nap tomorrow. But talked to the boy, which makes me feel better, and am ready to trudge on. | | |
| I used to be pretty good about being productive on the weekends. Not so this weekend. It would've almost been better if I'd managed to buy the first season of BSG because then I wouldn't have spent so much time just randomly channel surfing and discovering all the Stargate that was on, and A-Team. Oh god, my life is run by science fiction and bad 80s action comedies.
So in other words, I have ten, actually make that eleven, chapters of Genji to still read. I will be so glad when this book is over. First off, sense of accomplishment. Second, I won't have to read it again... for a while.
Also, I spent a good hour last night looking up grad school stuff. Which is funny, because of all my friends, I'm probably one of the few who hasn't decided either way. Both academia and the real world drive me crazy, but we'll see. But this debate has been brought to the forefront of my mind for two reasons- one of them being that we learned the word for "life goal" or something quite similar in meaning to that in Japanese (ikigai)- and the sentence that went with it was "There are many people with a life goal of a job." That's more or less the literal translation, since I can't give you all the connotations that "shigoto" (job) seems to have.
So yeah... at least PS3 isn't making me want to reconsider too much. Turns out the 'research design paper' really is just that. You just make a design for research- you don't actually go out and do it. Which means I have to readjust my approach to it. Oh well, going to office hours anyway come tomorrow.
Oh, and I have next semester's schedule figured out.
Okay, enough dawdeling. I kind of loathe (okay, really dislike) my work ethic right now.
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